


Holding on to you

by WishIWasAGrayson



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Super Sons (Comics), Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Art, Bruce Wayne is Bad at Feelings, Crying, Dick is a mess, Drug Addiction, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, How Do I Tag, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Portraits, Rain, Why Did I Write This?, damian just wants a hug, discovering sexuality, self hatred, tim drake is iconic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 06:54:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20774378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WishIWasAGrayson/pseuds/WishIWasAGrayson
Summary: damian takes photos of his brothers when they aren’t looking and uses the photos as reference for his paintings. afraid of how his brothers may react he hides them in his wardrobe but for some reason he cannot bring himself to destroy them.





	1. Am I a joke?

**Author's Note:**

> hey lovely people! this is my first fic and i’m super new to this so i apologise for the errors in advance. i hope you enjoy and i plan to update as soon as possible depending on if people enjoy. peace and love <3 (comments and criticism wholly appreciated)

Damian takes photos of his brothers when they aren’t looking and uses the photos as reference for his paintings but hides them. Sometimes if he’s really proud of one he will show Dick but never Tim or Jason. He’s just too afraid they will make fun of him for them. This is as you can tell how long they take and how he wants them to be perfect.

Damian wants his perfect family.

I mean Damian maybe at one point plucks enough courage to pull them out from his wardrobe. They show the quiet moments round the manor.

Jason with dough all over his hands as he’s making bread with Alfred in the kitchen or Tim hunched over a coffee as he breaks finally for the day. Dick sat on the sofa with Babs lying next to him, head on his lap, he plays with her red sea of hair.

These memories are too personal for Damian to share, they are too close, too intimate that not even his oldest brother, the boy he admires so much, can see them. one day he vows to never show Dick another one of his ridiculous creations.

One evening ,when the words are just too sharp for him to bare, he runs upstairs fingers curled up in a fist. He dares himself to do it, put his foot through the canvas, to show his hate for Todd and his smart comments. He can’t do it.

He’s too weak.

Jon floats into his life like any super does - violently. Jon becomes his muse. dark hair swirling, big eyes wide with joy and his toothy grin a constant. He knows one day he will have to let Jon go but he’s reluctant, adding to his collection in some futile attempt to hold on. 

At this point in time Dick had moved away (again) and Jason was nowhere to be seen. Tim was, like his predecessors, distant. He contacted Bruce from Titans Tower every week but showed no interest in ‘the demon spawn’. Jon is the only one of his subjects who had remained. Damian grew to like him....like him a lot.

A friend? More?

Damian puzzles Jon. He’s too quiet, too calculated, too similar to the bat. If superman was hope then batman was fear and Damian represented this idea Jon’s whole demeanour juxtaposed. 

When Clark visits with Jon he suggests that ‘as the manor is so big that it would be a great place for hide and seek’. 

Jon agrees as he runs off not giving Damian a chance to complain about how ‘juvenile’ hide and seek is. The room Jon settles to hide in Damian’s. It’s bland and pale, you wouldn’t think a 13 year old lived there. He climbs in the wardrobe pulling some of Damian’s clothes over him to hide his bright outfit. When Damian finds him, which takes Damian less than 5 minutes, Jon is confused.

Damian looks panicked, worried.

‘Get out!’ he shouts his brows furrowing as he reaches in and pulls out the canvases, running his eyes over them, making sure they’re okay.

Later that evening Jon announces to Bruce and Dick (who finally agreed to stop his petty argument with his father) ‘wow isn’t Damian good at painting! My favourite was the one he drew of you Dick....wait no my favourite is the one of Jason!’ 

Bruce cocks an eyebrow. He looks confused and Dick looks even more confused. Jon is not smart but he is also not dumb he senses he’s stepped out of line.

Damian’s green eyes are nervous. The son of the bat experiencing fear, fear caused by Jon.

Is he going to cry? No.

He wouldn’t. He’s a bat. He’s Damian.

Damian defies Jon’s expectations and he’s crying.

Damian’s crying! Big fat tears that roll over his cheeks. At this point Dick is by his side holding him, saying soft, comforting words calming his frantic breathing.

Damian refuses to believe the situation. 

He’s crying. like a child. He’s not a child. He’s mature. And yet he can’t stop. Can’t stop the out pour of previously oppressed emotion. He holds onto Dick as the sobs rack his body.

Now everyone knows.

Everyone knows what a creep he is. How he is obsessed with his brother. They will never respect him again. Even the thought of Tim and Jason finding out makes him sick to the stomach. Jon, his one friend, had betrayed him and the heartache pierced his soul.

So when Jason, out of pure chance, buys Damian a set of new paints for his 16th birthday he is surprised by the anger he receives from his youngest sibling. 

‘Fuck you!’ he screams pushing the paints away. Heat rises to his cheeks ‘I’m just a joke to you aren’t i?’ he storms away.

‘He didn’t mean it Jaybird’ Dick says softly as they drive, back to their apartment, their home. 

‘What..i still don’t understand what i did?’

There is a pause. Dick knows but he refuses to betray Damian’s trust.

‘He’s just a kid remember.’ Dick concentrated on the road as he speaks. 

‘A kid who knows how to kill someone in a second’ Jason adds smiling. 

Another pause. ‘He reminds me of you’ Dick smiles softly to which Jason grimaces.

‘God speed demon spawn.’


	2. Wedding dress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim and Damian grow close in the abscence of their father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again lovely people! thanks for reading and hitting kudos much appreciated <3 comments are fully appreciated :)
> 
> ps thanks to my good friend frey for spell checking for me

Damian and Tim have a lot more in common than one might think: they both jam out to billie eillish in the cave after patrol; they both drink their coffee black and they both have a huge crush on superboy. Not the same one,though. That would be disastrous.

Tim moves back to gotham when Bruce goes missing and, although Damian would never admit it, it feels good to not be the only one in the manor. Tim, like usual, is consumed by his work. It’s what he enjoys and it means that new sketches quickly join Damian’s collection. (Tim typing away furiously at his laptop, hair pulled back in a bun, wearing that oversized superman t-shirt. Connor’s claim. Why is it that when damian paints the red ‘S’ across the black of Tim’s tee, he feels a pang of something jealous, deep down? He feels it first in his stomach and then it rises to his lungs. He feels it in his breath and on his cheeks.)

***

‘So...’ Tim pulls a pizza out of the oven. It’s just the two of them tonight. Alfred has the night off and Jason and Dick have once again disappeared together. ‘Those photos you took the other day, you using them for anything?’. 

Damian chokes and stares at Tim. He’s normally so quick; he had thought he was being subtle. ‘Art,’ damian whispers as he fiddles with his thumbs. 

There’s a pause as Tim takes a slice of pizza, shoving it into his mouth. ‘No worries, Dami, I mastered the art of taking creep shots of hot guys ages ago. God, I have so many pictures of Kon on here, you wanna see?’ he rambles, pulling his phone out and presenting a shirtless picture of Kon. Damian is shocked not by the photo, but by the rush of heat across his body. It’s because he admires him. Yep. That’s it. Kon has a good body and Damian admires it. Aesthetically, as an artist. It’s not because Kon’s smokin’. Nope. 

Tim, meanwhile, had realised ages ago that Damian was gay. Hell, Tim had put money on Damian being gay in a bet with Jason three years ago. This awkward encounter just affirms his previous ideas. 

‘Uh, if you want, I can pose for you later. So you can...do your art,’ Tim smiles. He often resents Damian, but really? He’s just a kid. Tim knows when to be nice. 

Damian’s eyes light up and he nods once, having composed himself. ‘If you want to.’ Tim just nods, happy to keep the kid content. 

***

Selina Kyle keeps her wedding dress in Bruce’s wardrobe. Her wardrobe is too crappy to hold the dress she dreamt of as a child. It’s Damian that suggests they break out the dark eyeliner, still in Dick’s room from that one time he... perhaps that’s a story for another time. Tim’s lids, though, are heavy with black and his lips are scarlet. Damian isn’t surprised at how well Tim can apply make up in the same way he wouldn’t be surprised if Tim returned from a party smelling of weed. It’s not his place to judge.

And this is how the pictures of Timothy Jackson Drake in a wedding dress draped across a settee emerge online.

It seems to be at almost the same time that it hits the brothers that all it took for them to get along was for their father to disappear. That the mantle of robin had driven them apart, making them forget their similarities. They will come to cherish moments like these. 

***

‘Fuckin’ hell,’ Jason yawns, as Dick shows him the now viral photos the next morning. ‘I never knew Tim could be so...so...’ 

Dick raises his eyebrows, almost scorning Jason for what he’d been about to say. Roy has already left for work, leaving Jason alone in bed until Dick had jumped in next to him, exclaiming about Tim-dress-Dami at an alarming volume. 

Dick has by this point been living on the couch in Roy’s apartment for nearly a month now. He’ll do anything to get away from Bruce, the man himself a gritty reminder of everything he wants to leave behind. He hasn’t spoken to Barbara in months and God, it kills him. He misses her but know he’s too much of a wreck to go and see her. So it seems Roy must be his replacement red head for the moment.

***

‘Christ, Dami, Tim looks so hot!’ Jon exclaims over Facetime. 

For a 16 year old Jon is tall but he still possesses all his baby-like features which Damian cherishes so much. Damian would forgive him almost anything. This, however, this mindless statement, makes Damian sick to the bone. ‘Why don’t you just fuck him then?’ he snaps, to which Jon replied with some comment on how he has respect for Kon and wouldn’t “make a move”. Damian’s head spins. How ‘bout you make a move on me, he dares to think. He isn’t daring enough to say it, however. He knows Jon isn’t that up front, and anyway, he has no interest in Damian. You win some and you lose some, and Damian will take not winning Jon’s heart over losing his friendship.

Jon is smart academically, but socially he is dumb as fuck. It doesn’t take the world’s greatest detective to notice the way Damian’s lips twitch at Tim’s name, and yet Jon continues praising Damian’s brother. 

The photos this point are nearly everywhere. Buzzfeed hails them as gender-smashing. Damian, on the other hand, refers to them as ‘Tim being Tim, for fucks sake.’ 

‘Are you going to paint these photos?’ Jon asks bravely, and watches as damian’s eyes snap back to the screen. 

‘Maybe,’ he shrugs, not seeming to care. ‘The pictures are good,’ he adds, ‘but Tim’s form does not truly impress me.’ 

They continue blathering about missions and the League until Jon has to leave, and whilst catching his last glance of Damian’s oh-so-pretty face those words ring strong. Impress him, huh? Jon could but try. 

***

Damian sits next to Tim in the lounge. They have come to appreciate the silence that hangs between them in the later hours of the day. Damian’s phone, sat on the coffee table, vibrates and Tim, being the annoying older sibling he is, reaches forward and grabs it. ‘Oooh, jon sent you a pic! dick pic? dick pic!’ 

The heat that flushes Damian’s cheeks is almost a signpost for how badly he has it for this Superboy. ‘I hope this impresses you,’ the message reads. It’s a selfie of Jon but it’s different to his usual mug-shots. The sun is setting behind him, lighting up his now oh so apparent figure from behind and his hair is swept forward. Messy. Just how Damian likes it. He wants to touch it. Jon’s eyes look beyond the camera, and they are filled with not joy but something else. 

‘Fuck,’ Damian declares under his breath. He’s a boy of sixteen; he can’t deal with this sort of photo. It’s too....attractive. Adult. God, okay, he can act mature. He can’t show he’s bothered. He has to act normal. He sends a smiley face back. ‘Looking good, Kent’. 

Oh, how those words will fuck him over in the long run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks once again! <3


	3. Falling apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick returns to the manor as bruce’s disappearing act makes things tough for damian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for the kudos!!! i really appreciate it <3 so here’s the next part! i’d love to know what you think about poor dami and comments are wholly appreciated
> 
> ps thanks again to frey she is a godsend

What can Conner say? She’s persuasive. He prefers kissing a woman, maybe. Tim doesn’t need to know.  
~  
Rain. Normal weather for a day in Gotham, really. The tapping of drops on glass windows wakes Damian up. He stirs and hauls himself out of bed. It’s early, too early, but he’s always awake at this time so he sits and enjoys the ambience of rain that one can only really get lost in when in a quiet house. He tries to centre his mind, meditate, but he comes back to one image. That image. The one in which Jon looks more god than human, and it makes Damian think awful things that definitely push past ‘admiration’, pass right through friendship and land in... something he can’t define, or doesn’t want to. He needs to stop, to purge his mind of Jon. Painting it will cleanse him of it, like it did when he was younger. That’s just how it works for Damian. 

He tries to sketch it out. Smooth skin and narrow hips, curves that lead to sharp lines, that smile; the grin a constant. God, he missed this. Worshipping someone else. 

***

Dick needs to sort his shit out he cannot deal with hearing his little brother screw in the other room anymore. And, damn, it’s time to purge that image too. He gathers his things and leaves a note wishing the two lovers the best as he sets off. For once, he knows where he needs to go. He needs to go home, back to where this all began. He texts tim, just a short message saying that he’s gonna be at the manor in 30 minutes, and starts his engine. 

Driving with his head in the clouds probably isn’t Dick’s best plan, but he can’t help it. Although he hates Bruce, he needs him. He’s the closest person to a father he’s had in almost two decades and these past months have been so painful in that not a trace of him has been found. If it feels bad to Dick, he can’t imagine how the youngest member of the dysfunctional family feels. Poor Damian. His distant father disappears and they already have so little a connection that maybe he doesn’t know what to feel at all.

*** 

Weeks pass and Bruce is still missing. Other than the crippling feeling of loss, to Damian the worst part is perhaps the paparazzi. They shout after him and it takes all he has to ball his fists and think of how his father would have wanted him to behave. Still, though with some measure of guilt, he also feels as if he is enjoying the absence of his father a little too much. All pressure on him is relieved. He can be a kid. However, he does miss his muses. He wishes he could hug Grayson and feel his embrace and he wishes he could have Todd say something witty and hurtful but he knows they’re wrapped up in other things, other people, one of them likely literally. That is, until he hears the distinctive sound of Dick’s car pulling up outside. Damian abandons his work and runs downstairs, through the hallway and out towards the car, flinging himself at Dick, who envelops him in a huge hug. ‘I missed you, Richard,’ Damian mutters. 

***

Jon Kent is living his best life. He’s found that he actually enjoys taking selfies of himself now and finally likes how they look. He’s noticed over the years that his baby fat has disappeared, revealing the noble facial structure he’s thankfully inherited from his father. God, he looks like his dad, and he’s going on six foot. He grows as fast as Damian does, but Jon’s always been just a bit taller just to spite him. 

Regarding the selfies, Jon now has a stockpile he’s ready to send off to impress Damian. He’s kind of crushing really hard. Conner says he’s pining, but that would be ridiculous. Jon only wants to be around Damian all the time, staring into those thoughtful eyes or holding him tightly in an embrace. Christ, and now these thoughts have awakened something different inside him. He wants him. Oh god, he wants to be the only thing that crosses Damian’s mind. He wants Damian to paint a whole gallery of portraits of Jon. Never anybody else. He wants Damian to be as devoted to Jon as he is himself.

***

There’s one other thing that Jon’s been meaning to tell Damian: he’s seen Cassie around a lot recently. She’s a pretty girl; she has long blond hair, a muscular figure. Jon wants to tell Damian, sure, but he needs to give Kon a chance. He loves Tim. He would never sleep with anyone else. Would he?

With youth comes an innocence. A naïvety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading :) comments make my day!!


	4. Downfall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Events at home turn sour for Jason and Tim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone! sorry for the late delay and thanks for the comments and kudos they’re fab. i hope you like this chapter and tell me what you think below <3 there are possibly triggering topics in this chapter so check end notes if you are unsure :)
> 
> thanks frey as always

Walking in on your boyfriend fucking your best friend is the most humiliating experience. Tim knows that, now. 

It’s not long after this ordeal that Kon and Tim break up. ‘I didn’t mean it,’ Kon says softly. ‘She just pulled me in. I couldn’t stop it. It’s not your fault, I promise. But it’s not mine, either.’ 

The words are a ghost-turned record in Tim’s head as he lies on his bed, cheeks hot and wet and salty with tears. His eyes hurt. His heart hurts. Oh, how sweet first love is. How short and sweet. Tim obsesses, distraught, over where he went wrong. He knows when; he knows. The thing he’d pretended to be, for all that time. The sex. He hadn’t wanted it. God, he had never wanted it. He’d felt too young, too unproven to be so intimate and yet he presented himself as such a- such a slut, God, a slut. But Tim had always been too scared to go through with it, and obviously Cassie gave Kon what he needed, filled that void that Tim wouldn’t, couldn’t. 

This all seems so simple a problem, so easy a mistake, and Tim hurts all over. Pain is the constant across his uneven sobs. He always manages to lose the people he wants to keep, and he wonders if there’s a way of holding on. A way to keep the love of his lovers.

***

‘What about the money?’ Roy seems skittish. The Red Hood and Arsenal haven’t had a successful night. Their attempt to stop another cartel from delivering weapons into the tar-black heart of Gotham has failed and their target has lost them.

‘The money?’ Jason questions. ‘Well… I guess they’ll spend it.’ 

Roy paces around their apartment. Now Dick has gone, Jason notices the things that are different about Roy. He sneaks out in the evenings, returning home to wake Jason as he slides into bed, begging his forgiveness with cuddles and things that Jason knows better than to turn down. At night he can dismiss it, but in the cold light of day he knows it’s the furthest thing from in character. 

‘What about our fucking money?’ Roy repeats, voice a crescendo, ‘How are we gonna buy stuff? We needed this!’ 

Jason has thought of this and is prepared with his answer: ‘Well I’ve rationed our-’

‘Fucking hell, not food, Jason,’ he shouts. The silence that hangs between them. Roy is swift to grab some of their last spare cash from out of his wallet and storm out of the room, the apartment. 

‘What the fuck?’ Jason whispers under his breath. 

***

Talia was never a good mother. She knows this. However, from time to time she lingers on a memory of Damian in her arms as she shushes him gently: ‘Hush, habibi’. Now, as she stands next to Bruce Wayne, she feels a shard of disappointment in herself. Oh, her son. How he’s grown up since she’s seen him. She barely knows him, now, and yet she wishes, fervent, to be able to hold him close like the child he still should be. 

‘I must go back soon, you know.’ Bruce’s voice breaks the silence. ‘I need to get back for my kids.’ 

That sentence upsets Talia, sends a jolt through her heart. Her kid. Their kid. His kid. ‘You must appreciate that I’m doing all I can to negotiate your release. I’m sorry; my father is not one to rush.’ She smiles sadly at Bruce. He will never love her the way she loves him, and that’s fine. She’s content in the fact that he can even stand to talk with her, considering her past decisions. 

‘Once again I apologise, beloved, that you have become wrapped up in this. If I'd known the league needed your intel, I’d have come for you myself. You should be at home doing your job.’ Looking after our son, she wants to continue. ‘I have one condition.’ She places her hands behind her back. ‘When you go free, you are to take me back with you, to see my son.’ 

Bruce looks frustratingly unsurprised and raises an eyebrow at her, supercilious, before turning to continue trying to burn through the wall in front of him with his glare. ‘Damian will be happy to see you, Talia. After all, you are his mama.’

Talia smiles. She misses her habibi.

***

Roy returns late, cheeks flushed and pupils small, kisses his way up Jason’s neck. Jason smiles and pushes Roy away playfully, turning over. ‘Go to sleep.’ 

Roy grabs him this time, pulling him up to face him directly. ‘No,’ he grins, pulling Jay into a kiss. 

Jason loves a good kiss, but at this point he’s tired and wants to sleep. He pulls away. ‘Sleep now, fuck later,’ he says. He opens his eyes to see a stranger staring at him. A stranger. He’d thought he knew this man. ‘When did you...?’ 

Roy shushes him: ‘No questions, babe.’ He begins to pull his clothes off. 

Jason tries to move but the stranger, the addict again holds him in place. ‘Jesus Roy, I thought you were clean.’ He fights Roy’s grip on his body. He needs to get out of here. Roy is volatile when he’s like this. High like this. 

Still Roy smiles. ‘I thought you knew, Jay. I prefer my whores silent.’   
That hurts. That slices through Jason like a knife. As a kid on the streets of Gotham, sometimes he’d needed to get creative. He’d never been a whore. He’d been a starving kid. He’d done what he had to. 

Roy is laughing, knows he’s hit where it hurts, and Jason uses this moment when Roy is distracted to push him off. He grabs his jacket and his phone and the last shreds of his heart and runs out the door. Fuck. He needs help. Roy needs help. Who to call?

Jason’s glad he can rely on Dick to have a 2am cereal snack. Otherwise? Well, he’d be fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warming as there are mentions of underage prostitution, drug misuse and there is a scene where there is no consent for someone’s advances


	5. Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys learn to love before being pulled apart once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well hello there everyone! i hope you enjoy this chapter :) i do enjoy making characters sad sometimes and i think this ones an example of that.
> 
> as always thanks to free free for editing

For the first time in his life, Damian Wayne is happier than all three of his brothers. Now, perhaps this is because his brothers are at the lowest of the low, but still Damian is happy. His painting of Jon is coming along nicely. He has begun to paint, filling the blank space, and in doing so he has he grown to appreciate everything that is Jon. His muse looks as gorgeous as ever and this project really is fuelling his addiction. No, that’s too strong a word. His...liking. His liking for Jon. He’ll probably finish it in a couple of days and he plans to have Jon sleepover, to show him his devotion. He hopes Jon likes it. He wants to see his smile, the way his eyes light up, and then they can cuddle for… no! No. He’s not like that. He’s not gay. Damian Wayne, socialite and Robin, does not feel things for people like Jon. Men. He runs a hand over his face, moving away from his easel. Meditation will help him clear his mind.

***

Jason has been living at the Manor for a couple of weeks now. Even Damian, it seems, knows it’s bad, if the lack of knives aimed at tender body parts is any indication. Jason is being too quiet, he knows. He’s never quiet, but now he’s hurting and everyone can tell. However, no amount of comforting words from Dick can fix the ever-growing void inside jason. Jesus. When? Why? The questions are innumerable, and the answers overwhelming. He should have been able to stop it. He should have noticed, but he’d grown to trust him too much. He’d begun to make excuses for Roy because he loved him. Idiot. Fucking idiot. He hits the drink hard and his mind harder and Dick doesn’t seem to care or even notice. He’s already wrapped up in his own problematic redhead. 

One evening, when Jason feels particularly alone, he is pleased to find Tim standing at the door to the kitchen. He proceeds to bitch about his asshole ex-boyfriend and whilst he does he grabs a beer, opening it up and taking a swig. Jason does nothing to stop him. He’s already tipsy himself and he hates hypocrites. Let the kid live a little, huh, what’s the worst that can happen?

***

The boys sort of manage to rebuild their family in the Manor. In the absence of Bruce, Jason and Dick slide into parental roles: Dick comforting and maternal where Jason is strict and direct. Tim and Damian remain the kids of the family, shouting back in defiance if asked to do something. Damian clashes with Jason all the time, but on occasion they’re still found curled up together on the sofa at the end of the day. That’s just how it works. Dick takes it as his responsibility to keep the youngest two’s lives on track, not to mention Jason’s. It’s difficult at times but rewarding at others and to be honest it works. They all begin to love each other once more.

That is, until Bruce returns.

Bruce crashes back into his children’s lives as you would expect Batman to. Once the comforting of his broken children is done he returns to normal. He drives Dick away, immediately clashing with him about what’s best for Damian: back to playing Robin, or ‘a normal childhood, for fuck’s sake, Bruce!’. Damian takes it upon himself to remain sequestered in his room, isolated from the chaos that is two alpha males fighting. He lets thoughts of Jon pull him into his fantasy world of nothing but opalescent raven hair and muscular arms. He’s come to appreciate them, since Jon sent him the ‘reference picture’. 

Tim takes Bruce’s return the worst. Tim’s latest habit of downing a beer or four late at night has no hope of remaining a secret, now that there’s someone around who gives a shit whether he’s sober or off his head. Bruce comes down hard on it. Tim’s not allowed drinks upstairs and if he has one it’s water, poured for him by Alfred. Plaguing him still, though, are the frantic thoughts that the alcohol had kept at bay. That had been the start of the weed all those years ago, and now it’s the reason he feels the need to take a swig every time the clock strikes midnight. He’s often left alone with his thoughts; seventeen and he’s a prisoner in his own house. He’d been- not happy, but that similar feeling that comes with being too busy and out of it to acknowledge that there might be a sadness hidden somewhere inside. Now, at once, Bruce, righteous angel of the twentieth century, appears to assert his authority over his sons and Tim isn’t ready. Not to feel again. But Bruce is the crusading army and the righteous man and Tim is nothing. Bruce is so good at making soldiers for a reason: they’re all scared of him.

To Jason’s own surprise, Bruce leaves him alone. He’s heard about what happened to Roy and is feeling sympathetic, or he doesn’t give a shit. Jason’s not gonna complain. Still, he feels the strain on the whole household, the rising tensions. Someday soon Dick will snap or Tim will do something stupid or Damian will lock himself in his room for a final time and never come out, and Jason know’s he’s the one holding the ticking time bomb. He’s too close, too close, and he is waiting for the moment the manor explodes. The moment it takes him with it.

It’s absolutely characteristic of Talia al Ghul that they’re down to the last inch of the fuse when she decides to move in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! kudos and comments are appreciated <3


	6. He’s not their dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things come to a head with Bruce and his sons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hewwo everyone sorry bout the delay i’m just a bit dumb whoops!!! anyway thanks so much for nearly 1000 hits wow that’s crazy amazing. i’m so happy you guys like this and i will promise to update more consistently <3 thanks for everything again and comments and kudos are wholly appreciated.

‘How are you, my habibi?’ Talia asks softly from the door. She moves into Damian’s room and closes the door. He won’t be able to escape this interaction. He endeavours to ignore her for as long as possible, however. How dare she shoehorn herself into his life again? She’d shown that she wanted nothing more to do with him when he was ten; hell, since the day he was born. What’s the reason for this sudden display of warmth? It hurts to be in the same room as her and know that she will never give him the love he craves. It hurts even more that he still craves her love at all.

‘I see you have continued your interest in painting,’ she says, breaking the silence, voice lilting as ever. She moves up behind him, her eyes scanning Jon’s now coloured form. ‘What’s your focus? Your subject matter?’ she asks, trying to ask the questions an interested mother would, but falling just short of the right tone. 

‘The male form,’ Damian answers curtly, returning to mixing a striking blue he intends to use to paint Jon’s pretty eyes. 

‘Oh... that’s nice,’ she answers softly. She looks around the room, perhaps waiting for something to break the awkward atmosphere. 

Damian turns in his chair to face the object of his anger. ‘Mother, is there any purpose in all this? Any reason for your presence? Nobody asked you to be here. Especially not me.’ 

Talia looked at her feet. ‘Damian, I-’ 

‘Leave,’ he says, cutting her off. ‘Get out, and don’t you dare make up some excuse for being here, for why you did what you did. You chose to raise me and you chose to ruin me, and that was your choice. Now, please, respect mine.’ He turns back to Jon: his small piece of harmony in the chaotic life he leads.

***

Bruce really doesn’t need Talia’s presence in his house. She seems to be the cherry on the top of his stressed-out sundae, but it’s a condition of his release that he take her to Gotham. He knows he needs to get back to his family, anyway, who need his support and who probably have fallen apart in his absence. They’re kids, though admittedly kids aged 16 and above. They can’t look after themselves. They need Bruce like he needs them. They’re his kids, after all. Any kids of Batman’s are bound to be a little fucked up. And so he goes back, and he takes Talia with him, and yeah, everything’s gone to shit.

***

After being banned from drinking, Tim is unhappy with Bruce, to say the least. Now his mind is full, overflowing with all his worries and his thoughts: of Wayne Enterprises and of the Titans and of Red Robin and of Kon, Kon, Kon. He can’t escape them and he can’t prevent them, and when he sits in his room late at night he feels so overwhelmingly trapped. Surely he can’t continue like this. 

That’s what happens when you lose your coping mechanism. As the highs fade away the lows become dark and frightening. He’d once treated his body like a temple, save for the occasional joint. Now he’s an empty shell. 

Tim thinks about going back to the Titans, but that means facing Kon again, so for the moment he’ll just stay here. In his room, in the dark.

***

It’s gone ten o’clock before everyone’s there, the evening that Bruce calls them all together in the lounge. Damian and Tim sit down on the sofa next to each other, with Dick stood behind them and Jason sprawled sideways across a nearby armchair, elbow resting on the arm. Bruce stands in front of them all, looking authoritative. It’s clear from the outset that this isn’t going to be a nice chat. 

‘I need to talk to you all about what’s been happening over the past month,’ begins Bruce, direct as ever, ‘as it seems that none of you can even begin to look after yourselves when I’m not here.’ This earns frowns from Damian and Dick, while the other two brothers scoff dismissively. ‘Dick, I trusted in your age and maturity and yet I have returned to find Tim drunk out of his mind. I need answers.’ Bruce looks all of them over. 

Dick scrubs at his face with his hands. ‘I have an idea.’ He brings his hands down to rest in his pockets. ‘How about you, Bruce, don’t disappear for a month, huh? How about that?’ Bruce stares at dick, watching as his oldest son challenges his authority. ‘How about you don’t rely on me to look after your children? Because, and this may come as a surprise to you, that’s not my job!’ 

Jason mutters something in agreement as he looks up to Bruce. ‘He’s not their dad,’ he says with a pointed tone, ‘and you’re not mine. Or Dick’s. But congratulations on your shitty attempt at acting like one. Unfortunately, I don’t think you’ll be winning the Oscar this year.’ Jason looks to dick for support, who nods. Bruce looks shocked, for the given value of shock that he can achieve. Tim and Damian, meanwhile, are nervously avoiding his gaze. 

‘You know I would do anything and everything to protect you, right?’ Bruce asks. They ignore him. However, this time something else has captured their attention. He looks up to find Talia stood in the doorway.

Damian makes eye contact with Bruce, holds his gaze. ‘If you would do anything to protect me, then why the fuck is she here?’ 

Dick looks shocked by Damian’s language but turns to look at Talia with a dirty look, then pans back to Bruce. ‘Your son seems to understand more than you do, Bruce.’

Only at this point does the realisation dawn on Bruce that, yeah, the position he has put damian and the others in? It must be really traumatic for them. Talia al Ghul: the reason for Jason’s constant lazarus fever night terrors, the cause of Damian’s nightmarish childhood stories, and now a guest in his house. 

‘Come on, Jay, let’s leave. I’m done with his bullshit,’ Dick snaps, at which point Jason stands, and then, to Bruce’s surprise and horror, Tim goes to follow.

‘Young man, you’re not leaving this building. Stay here,’ Bruce commands. 

Tim looks at him with tired eyes. ‘Bruce, man, I’m an adult. I can do whatever the hell I want. Fuck you.’ Tim stands to his full height, walking past Dick and Jason to push Talia aside. 

Bruce watches as his sons file out, leaving only Damian behind. 

And that, my friends, is how Damian Wayne becomes the sole point of attention of both of his parents. They’re constantly pandering to him and asking questions. Constantly commenting and praising. Constantly shouting and fighting. Stop. Stop. Too much. God. Stop. Damian holds onto Jon’s portrait, so nearly finished at this point, and for the last time lets tears leak from his eyes, a couple dropping onto Jon’s cheek. He watches as the beige paint smudges down. Stop. 

Please.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are my fave pls don’t be afraid i don’t bite :)


	7. Sweetheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things begin to turn around for Damian as he is given an out through Jon. However the same cannot be said for his older brothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!!! this was meant to be a new year post but it’s a tad late. however, happy new year! bringing all the 2020 jondami feels back :)
> 
> kudos and comments always appreciated! thanks for reading
> 
> thanks frey my editor for being a legend as always <3

Dick soon finds somewhere for the eldest 3 brothers to live. Tucked away in the corner of Black Mask’s territory, the safe house is small but cosy, with a double room and a single room. Last time they used it, it had just been Dick and Jason, but now, with the addition of the Red Robin, two people have to share. Dick and Jason decide that Tim should go in the single and they can share the double until the sofa they order from Ikea arrives, and then they’ll switch between them. 

On the first night it’s silent between them. Tim’s overwhelming sadness is extremely apparent. ‘Tomorrow, why don’t you go out, Tim?’ Dick smiles at him. ‘You could go to the park or the pet store. Babs and I used to go to the pet store and say we were interested in getting a pet, just so we could hold them.’ He laughs at the memory, but there’s silence as Tim stares listlessly at his feet.  
‘Look here, kid,’ Jason says gruffly. ‘You aren’t gonna drink your life away here. I know I let it slide before, but I didn’t realise how much it was fucking you up, man. I’m sorry.’ 

Tim shakes his head. ‘I’ll go out tomorrow and meet some new people.’ 

His brothers smile sadly but knowingly. ‘Right, let’s order something in then!’ Dick announces, jumping to attention.

So, sure. Tim meets some new people. He brings one of those people home most nights. What’s it to anyone that he’s burying his feelings, that he’s swapping one addiction for another?

( Jason groans, pulling his pillow over his head. ‘How is my little brother pulling more guys than I am?’) 

Tim has always been good at fitting in. As the child of rich parents it had been his role to try and get in with the children of those in his parents’ social circle in order to ensure maintained business for the family. He’d learned at a young age how to pull people into a conversation, end up with the popular group. So it’s always been common for him to be invited to parties, even after he moved into the Manor, returning with the smell of weed clinging to his shirt and his breath heavy with alcohol. He’s just needed to let go sometimes. Experiment. Live a little. That’s still the case. Sure, he hasn’t gotten intimate with Kon - he’s not scared, he just values their relationship too much to ruin it with his bullshit - but his new approach is ‘the more people I sleep with the less I feel the pain’ and it’s working, it really is. Everything’s going well. Tim Drake is thriving.

~  
‘So, Jon.’ Clark smiles across the table at his son. ‘Are you going to ask Damian to come to Ellis this year?’ 

Jon grins up from his plate. ‘Yes!’ 

Lois raises an eyebrow as she looks to Clark. ‘You know he may well say no, Jon. Don’t get your hopes up.’ She doesn’t understand why her son remains the Wayne kid’s friend. Every year, Jon asks Damian to come on their family road trip to Ellis Rock Point, a small town on the coast in California and every year, Damian says no. Jon shakes it off, without fail. This year will be slightly different. He’s devised a plan with his parents in which he’ll confess his feelings to Damian. Lois knows that if Damian says no, Jon will be heartbroken. 

~

Jon sits on the windowsill, looking up and out of the window. His green jumper accentuates his pale skin and dark hair. It must be a little painful to have his legs stretched up against the other side of the window like that, but he manages it anyway. The edges of his lips are tugged up into a smile. ‘Dami, how long do I have to-?’ 

‘Shhh,’ Damian hisses, silencing his subject as he positions his seat so that he has the best view. ‘I need you to stay nice and still so I can capture everything, Kent.’ He’s started a new project, again of Jon, as he feels like he needs to focus his energy somewhere other than his first painting. That one is nearly done, but he’s becoming clumsy with his strokes and it’s too good to ruin. 

Jon keeps his head tilted up as he watches Damian from the corner of his eye. He’s adorable like this: eyebrows furrowed, tongue sticking out, eyes scanning over Jon. He knows that if he could capture this image of Damian, it’d play over and over again in his head. His thoughts begin to drift to Damian’s lips and his gorgeous hair and how he wishes he could push his fingers through those dark locks and grip his head and- 

‘Kent! Keep your head up. And you’re slouching.’  
Jon tries to concentrate again, keeping his mind on good things like puppies and blue skies and the way Damian looks right now. On taking Damian to Ellis and- ‘So, Dami.’ Jon watches as Damian puts his brush down, cursing Jon out in arabic beneath his breath. ‘I know you always say no, but I was wondering if you’d like to come to Ellis with me this year. C’mon, leave this dump behind for once.’ Damian ponders this proposition. He knows he should say no. He says no to everything. Everyone. That’s how he stays safe. Right now, though, nothing has ever sounded more appealing than getting to spend time with Jon in a place where no one knows him. 

‘I will consider you offer,’ Damian says curtly before picking up his brush. 

Jon jumps up. ‘Really? You will?’ He grins from ear to ear, clearly surprised and elated that Damian is even willing to think about it. ‘You won’t regret it, Dami. I’m so excited!’ He laughs, pulling Damian into a hug that is soft and loving and seems to last forever. 

Damian smiles.

~

Jason picks up his phone. ‘Sweetheart, please, I’m sorry. I just want you to come home so we can go back to normal,’ he hears Roy whine into the phone. He stays silent, holding his breath. It’s the fifth time today that Roy has called him and it’s starting to get tired. He can’t stop himself from picking up, though. ‘Jay, please. I need you. I miss you so much. Come home.’ Jason takes the phone away from his ear and hangs up. 

~

Jason had gone for a walk to catch some fresh air, strolling through dark alleys until they began to open up at the old docks. This part of Gotham hadn’t changed like the rest of the city had in the surge in development of the last twenty years. Elsewhere, old abandoned buildings had been knocked down and clean and sharp new buildings put in their place. However, it seemed as if the docks had been forgotten during this period of rapid change and it had remained the same, if not worse. 

Now, sitting atop one of the long-abandoned cranes, feet dangling above fifty feet of empty air, Jason pulls a cigarette from his pack. He sparks his lighter, cupping his hand around the cigarette between his lips as he lifts the lighter to it. That’s one good thing about the lazarus pit: he can smoke as many cigarettes as he wants and never get lung cancer. His exhale is a cloud of grey as his mind runs through his situation. His idiot of a boyfriend, using again. Last time this had happened it had taken near-cardiac arrest to get Roy to rehab and although he had forgiven Jason for it when he got out, the words that he had said in the meantime stuck with both of them, an unacknowledged fissure in their relationship. But this relapse? Jason can do nothing but blame himself. In his complacence, his foolish belief that Roy was better, he’d missed the signs that he was using again. 

He and Roy had been struggling for a while. As the Red Hood and Arsenal they had managed to create a system which let them listen in on Black Mask and other dealing scum’s communications, but they hadn’t been very subtle about it. They had heard whispers from their network about moves to stop them, to cut them off from discovering arms trades: ‘Well fuck ‘em, the Mask has a new system in the works,’ or ‘They won’t be taking our money again anytime soon.’ Their map went silent. The amount of shipments they interrupted became less. They lost money. Their arguments built and Jason couldn’t or wouldn’t see that Roy had begun to fall back into the arms of his old lover: heroine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!!! kudos and comment always appreciated :)


	8. To lose and to gain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick tries to cheer his little brother up. Damian’s week with Jon kicks off and Jason plans an intervention.
> 
> What could go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I know this is a very late update but that is because I am focused on my other work at the moment (not so subtle plug). I hope you all enjoy this update and please tell me down below what you think and what you would like to see!
> 
> Stay safe and wear a mask <3

‘Now Timmy, I don't disapprove of your’, he took a breath, ‘habits. but as your big brother I have to say that I think you should stop screwing all these people and focus on getting your body and mind back to a healthy state.’ Tim looked away from him with shame dappling his cheeks. 

‘Look Tim, I’m not Bruce’, he looks to his hands, crafting his words carefully in his mind, ‘but you haven’t been on patrol, hell you haven’t left the house in days.’ Tim got up to leave, turning his back to Dick but he was interrupted, to Dick’s joy, by the delivery of their new furniture. 

‘Come on Tim! there’s nothing like brotherly bonding whilst building Swedish furniture!’ he grinned as his younger brother.

Tim reluctantly sits down on the stained carpet. He scrubs his face with his hands as he hears Dick chirping away to the delivery man. His older brother was always the most social. He would always grin as some old soccalite patted his head and told him ‘Gosh Dick, how you’ve grown!’. He was polite and charming from such an early stage of his life, unlike the rest of his brothers; that was something they all were jealous of. Except Damian of course! He would never be jealous. No. Never.

He envied his older brother. He seemed to have never experienced any sort of bad luck. He could have anyone he wanted romantically. Everyone wanted to be his friend. He was loved by Bruce. These were things Tim would never experience. He would never be loved like Dick is; by his father, by his lovers and by his friends.  
‘Well Timmy’ Dick sings as he shuts the door. ‘Looks like we will be building an Ek-Ektooooorp’ he butchers the Swedish happily. Classic Dick style. 

That manages to put a slight smile on Tims face and Dick does not miss it. He places the boxes in front of Tim and plops down, cross legged, as he cocks an eyebrow at his brother challenging Tim. ‘Well you are the smart one. Do you really expect me to build it?’ He smirks.  
~  
Damian is entirely pleased with himself when he hears Selina start hissing insults at his mother downstairs. He saw her jump off her bike outside and had decided that he would not shout down a warning to his father. He wanted him to feel stressed. Like he had Bruce in the saucepan and he was slowly turning up the heat wanting him to boil. Jeez that's quite violent. Fuck it, it’s what he deserves. When he hears his father's voice join the mix he slinks down the stairs. His mother spots him automatically and goes to say something but Damian cuts her off. 

‘Ms Kyle it's lovely to see you, how are your cats?’. Selina grins at that snapping her head towards Damian. She answers curtly and Damian is satisfied with the pain he sees in Talia’s eyes. Bruce frowns at him as he walks away. 

‘Son’ his tone is disciplinary to which Damian shrugs at him walking away with sudden added confidence. Fuck him. Fuck her. Fuck them. Fuck! 

~

Alfred had noticed a difference in Damian since his older siblings had left. The boy seemed to lock himself up in his room and only come down for food and patrol. Even when armoured up and ready to leave for patrol, he seemed quiet, not talking to Bruce and if he did, he answered only with a short and curt ‘Yes.’, ‘No.’ or ‘I understand.’. This had led to Alfred going to Bruce’s office late one night and telling him what he thought. Speaking his mind. 

‘Master Bruce, what were you thinking in bringing her back?’ to which Bruce looked up from his laptop. ‘You have made your son miserable and you know it.’ He said calmly.

Bruce stood up angrily. ‘I did what I had to do for my children!’ to which Alfred snapped   
‘They are not kids anymore Bruce bloody hell!’ He left the room. He had said what he needed to and by the sound of silence from Bruce he knew that his son understood what he was talking about. 

So when Damian wandered into the kitchen and asked Alfred if he could go to Ellis Rock Point with the Kents; he was not surprised at all and he allowed it immediately.   
Ellis Rock Point was a small town nestled into a cove. It reminded Damian of some of the places Bruce took him when they had holidays except here there wasn’t the same huge abundance of wealth. The town was small and a few shops were clustered around the main parade; their bright colours showing the sea side town at its best.   
The smell of salt was crisp and made Damian forget everything he had been experiencing at home. He felt at peace. Quiet. Comfortable. 

The Kent’s house was not far from the seafront, about a 5 minute walk, which was the main site of activity. The house itself, although rather small for Damian’s liking, was well decorated and cosy. Jon and Damian shared the room which looked out away from the town but into the area of land where the houses became more sparse. Their twin beds mirrored each other and were covered in fluffy blankets (obviously picked previously by Jon) and big plush pillows. Damian had picked the one by the window, furthest away from the door, a habit that he had adapted for preservation purposes. Of course Jon was nothing but thrilled to have Damian even in the Kent’s house and took him round every hiding spot and homely corner.

He pulled him outside showing his companion the garden and pointing vivaciously in the direction of town, the beach and his favourite cafe. Damian characteristically did not seem bothered and just mentioned how he felt tired after their 8 hour drive from Metropolis and he would need to have a rest. Which Jon, knowing he could watch his friend drift off inconspicuously, was delighted at. 

Clark and Lois had had their reservations as they had pulled up outside the grand entrance of Wayne Manor. Jon ran up out of the car with a new sense of excitement the 16 year old hadn’t shown in a long time. The Butler, they knew well as Alfred, opened the door smiling at Jon. He called for Damian who stepped outside, in all black, with his suitcase. He did not seem excited but smiled towards Jon before nodding to Alfred and walking with his friend back to the car. 

He slid in the back seat ‘Mr Kent...Mrs Kent.’ he said politely as he pulled his back pack round using it to divide Jon and him. ‘I appreciate your invitation.’ He said softly looking to Jon for approval; he had never been good at this sort of thing. However Lois likes the kid and although his rocky past, she felt for him; Jon liked him so he was good in her book. 

‘Don’t stress it Damian, the pleasure is all ours! I’m sure Clark agrees?’ she smiled back at him. To which Clark gave the usual optimistic answer that was pleasing to Damian’s ears. He nodded with a slight smile and turned to Jon who by this point had begun chatting at a pace that neither Lois nor Damian could understand. 

‘You’re talking too quickly Kent.’ Damian said curtly to which Clark started the engine and they were on their way. 

Half way through the journey Lois had looked back towards the kids; Damian had put his headphones on but he had his eyes attached to Jons resting figure and he watched him with half closed lids. Lois had caught his eye and Damian being Wayne’s son immediately noticed her gaze; snapping up straight with a red blush clouding his tanned cheeks. 

She understood. 

She had guessed that Jons admiration for Damian was more of an adoration when he had recently, over dinner, announced with shaking breath that he was ‘Gay or Bi, I mean I’m not sure. I just know I like boys as well, if you get me?’. To which Lois and Clark had enveloped him in hugs and love. Something she knew he needed at that time. Yet she worried that Damian’s family would not be as accepting. Well at least Bruce. Jason was gay? Drake was…..ah she wasn’t sure. Anyway she knew that they would welcome Damian exactly like they did with Jon. He shouldn’t have to feel afraid.

Anyway it didn’t matter to her. She hoped that Damian would enjoy the liberty the Kent’s provided whilst he stayed with them. He deserved the rights that Bruce so often denied him. To be a child. To have fun. 

-

Bruce looked up as Talia stepped into his office. ‘I know i an a nuisance’ she smiled brushing her hair to the side. ‘I know you don’t love me and our son hates me, so i have decided i will leave.’ Bruce went to interject, to make up some bullshit about how Damian really does love her but Talia shushed him. ‘Oh beloved, you are not the only one who can tell when a person is lying. There is no reason to try that with me.’ She turned and slid back out of his office walking away until all Bruce could hear was the sound of her going back up the stairs, the soft pads of her feet on the carpet. 

That was that then Bruce guessed. The problem was gone. His boys would come back and they could forget about this whole mess. However he felt no joy from this revelation; the very revelation he had been wishing for for weeks on end. He felt nothing but emptiness, realising that maybe this time the scars were too deep to cover.  
-  
Whilst Tim was literally and metaphorically fucking his life away, Jason and Dick have been planning an intervention. Their plan is titled ‘Get our redheads back!’ (Dicks idea). Jason and Dick, having realised that they were also missing something in their lives, had come up with the idea to join forces and come up with an ingenious plan to get both Roy and Barbara back.

To be honest, the plan was mostly Jason’s. He had been brewing over the idea for a week when he had come across his older brother staring longingly at a photo of Babara Gordon. Oh how Dick Grayson was one to pine after his love. Jason being the ever practical man he had decided that enough was enough. He had been skirting around the issue for too fucking long and so had Dick by the look of it. And it is completely unfair that his younger brother is constantly getting dicked down by guys who remind Jason of all the fun he and Roy had together. He deserves to fuck too you know!

Brother’s spread across the country, all united in a feeling of what they had lost and what was to gain. Their father, confined in a state of grief and solitude, wondered where he had gone wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos appreciated :)

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! comments and criticism are wholly appreciated :)


End file.
